Tuesday, August 27, 2013

a soft day in late autumn

For one of the few times this summer we've shut the house up to enjoy some air conditioning.  It's a hot steaming day in late summer outside.  When retrieving the rubbish bins at the curb I can smell the worms and the moss and the pungentness of the warm air.  Now, as I sit at my drawing table I look outside and wonder at how different an upcoming trip to Mexico will be with regard to flaura and fauna, and if I'll have the stamina without a convenient couch nearby?  

I'm finally feeling stronger in my body, perhaps not to the extent that I can leap about at my exercise dance class but better than I have been in weeks.  Sitting at the drawing table working on drawings for a children's book makes me feel purposeful and industrious.  I'm not just a couch rock with a sore bum from hours of brain numbing tellie while holding down furniture.

It is something I do when I don't feel myself.  It gets me out of my body and into fantasy where there are no statistics and outcomes and monitoring, only freedom.  It's as if these past few weeks have sucked me back into the vortex of the world of cancer and all that that entails.  It's hard to avoid but you have to wipe the cobwebs away and find yourself again through all the medications and late night doctor's appointments, etc. 

One way in which I got prodded from my stupor was by a gift from a friend, a loan, really.  The loan of a small heavy duty German made etching press.  I'm over the moon at having it.  It is something new for me to experiment and teach myself. 

The process of etchings is an ancient one.  My version is of a simplistic nature, scratching lines into a plastic plate, inking the plate, wiping off the excess ink and then using the strong roller tension of the press to make a print on paper.  The paper, usually a heavy watercolour or printmaking paper is soaked and blotted to accept the ink that is in the scratched lines of the plate.

My first little picture has got me inspired for making a series of little "odd" pictures.  The source being from some scribbling I do when I'm holding down furniture and resting as time passes over me.

Already ahead of myself, I hope to make a series of these little odd things, once I've sorted out how to make better prints!  

Thursday, August 8, 2013

another reinvention

Yes, it seems there needs to be another reinvention for the girl.  An unscheduled one.  Having just returned from another surgery I now have been "re-plumbed"!  It takes a minute to get used to this new way of life, especially learning how to eat again in a certain way.  These things I can manage for I'm happy to be on the mend and even if a bit restless.

Unfortunately I think the doctor and I were both a bit surprised that he found more of the "c" monster in me.  He explained it as hair or web-like fibres of cancer that didn't have much mass so didn't show up on the various scans.  He had to cut away.  

I don't know what is to come and work at not fretting about what I don't know.  I hold down furniture resting while scribbling all manner of nonsense, whatever comes to my head or hand.  There isn't much art making desire as yet but I'm beginning to be restless to the need to be "making" something in the near future.  

In a week I see the doctor and we'll have a "talk"!  What the outcome shall be I can't even fathom a guess.  However, I do know that I shall be taking this side road I've stumbled down on my own terms wearing my own hiking boots, using my own map and compass!

There is such a thing as quality of life over quantity.  It's odd though, I still feel so strongly that I will be alright.  Perhaps you could call it deep denial.  Well if it is, as my mother-in-law used to say, "so be it!"