Tuesday, September 20, 2011

limbo

Every three weeks I have a routine; see the doctor on Friday, have blood drawn on Monday, have 3 hour session infusion of the clinical trial drug, Avastin.  This week I saw the doctor on Friday.  I was very happy that all my recent scans came up negative for cancer.  However, the doctor is vexed at why the CA-125 marker is elevated.  He said we'd stay the course with the trial and monitor my numbers.  I took this as a good sign that we would carry on.  I'm not worried about numbers.  As I've said before I shan't live by numbers. 

Today was the day I should have had my Avastin session.  Instead  I got to stay home all day in the studio.  Hurray!  Apparently I am now off the study as my numbers are screwy.  I have not been bothered by the fact that it went from 20 during chemo to 139 three weeks ago.  Normal is anything 35 and below.  Today's labs show that it has actually gone down to 103.  But, for some reason the study dictates that I discontinue the Avastin course.  Perhaps it is because the drug messes with the number?  I don't know.  What I do know is that I feel great and they can't fight anything if they can't find anything, no matter the number.

I don't know what the next step is according to the medicos, but I do know that I'm so happy to be painting and making my body of work as large as possible in hopes that I can take advantage of opportunities to share my work and, hopefully get a response on as large a stage as I can.

This painting that I worked today for several hours is from a favourite sketch I did months and months ago. I like the idea of dreaming of trees, tall trees, wind in the trees.  They represent a constancy, oxygen, wisdom and resilience.  As I was drawing out the image I decided to keep the sketch plain and not painted in.  As you look up from the sketch the image becomes more painterly.  I think this lends a delicate quality to the idea of dreaming.  For in our dreams aren't we all weightless and don't we see in Technicolour?!

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