Monday, April 4, 2011

Spring Fever

Always at this time of year "spring fever" hits before the tempreture rises.  I'm restless to want to ride my new bicycle and take a walk outside in mild weather.  But not yet!  It has to rain and storm and change in so many ways before we can go outside and play. 
   The other evening it was crowded at the pub, lots of folks talking of the coming of spring, making plans for the coming good weather we all expect.  The barman asked my husband if my cancer would change me?  It was such an innocent question yet so profound.  How could it not change me, like a season.  Like waiting for the season of spring to burst out.
   My cancer season has already affected me, but I think in the long run it will be just a chapter in a book and not the whole story of my life.  How I would hate to be always related to as, "Kate with Cancer", as if I had a new name.  While I'm in this cancer season called "chemotherapy" I stubbornly stick to my own idea of how I am.
  The outward sign of losing one's hair is a marker to others but its a change that will pass.  It doesn't bother me as much as it is a beacon to others announcing my "condition".   Oddly enough, cancer is so pervasive in our culture that there really is no need to explain.
   So while I work in the studio and move buckets and pails around to try and come up with some new paintings I feel good to be in my body, even weak, even thinner.  For I know beyond all doubt that once this season of chemotherapy ends I will have the sweet summer season to get stronger with the sun on my body and let my hair grow until I'm Rapunzel!  Ha Ha!

1 comment:

  1. Kate - You have such an amazing way to see things. Your art AND your thoughts, though I suppose they are one and the same in many regards. While reading this post, I had the urge to paint your head :) Paint it with sunny things, or paint different hairstyles on, or give you feathers, or a little doorway into your mind, or all these random images that popped in my head. If you do this, or have one of your painter buds do this, I would so love to photograph it! I hope today is a good day for you. :)