Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Chemo Day

I'm sure the thought of getting chemo for most people would sound like a frighteningly scary proposition. It is, at the beginning for the uninitiated, but I'm here to tell you that it's not as bad as you might think. At first it's a strange world of IV leads, beeping monitors with bags of fluids on wheely stands. You wonder what kind of poison is going through your veins and why all the liquid in the bags is colorless? Where's the happy juice in pretty Colours?
The chart of side effects is quite maudlin. "Are you experiencing vomiting, nausea, dizziness" . . . and a whole list of things that sound unpleasant. Where are the side effects for possibly giving you a rosier glow without makeup, a strange new penchant for wearing polka dots, suddenly having green fingers for growing plants well, or being able to read minds! They need to invent side effects far more interesting!

As cancer is so prevalent in our world I guess before I got started in this part time job of treatments I thought it would be the most sophisticated, high tech thing, but in actuality it's rather barbaric. Because we are biological creature there isn't the shiny machine with complicated algorithmic equations making working models of outcomes ministering to our individual diseases. It's more like being a Hobbit! You stick out your arm or chest, wherever there's a vein or port and they administer something liken to colorless tree sap to kill any cell that's even thinking about cancer!

You actually do get used to chemo in some ways. You learn to adapt and to mitigate little annoyances. You learn all sorts of blood test monitoring numbers so that your conversant in hemoglobid and albumen. You ignore stupid things that people say to you and silly questionnaires that want to know if you still feel like a women without all your reproductive bits. Of course I do, I've just been streamlined! Now, don't Hobbits eat second breakfast!

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